Thoughts on the new year, when it's no longer new

When you're dismissed from a job -- a job you're really excited about, that you're ready to pour yourself into -- it hurts.

When you're envisioning yourself in one place -- that one RIGHT place, FINALLY -- and then it's yanked out from under you, you feel betrayed. Shocked. Saddened.

Having spent 2014 on personal and professional growth, through selling my event business and reading every business and personal development book I could get my hands on, I was ready for a new challenge. A big, bold new thing where I could bring all my skills, talents, and the new confidence I'd found to tasks each day. I was looking forward to a challenging role working with people I liked and respected. Then, about a month in, it all shuddered to a halt in a four minute conversation that brought far more questions than answers.

I can't do anything about those unanswered questions, but now I have others.

What do I do now? How does this play out? How do I find the silver lining in this disappointing series of events? Who am I really, and what do I have to offer?

I don't have any answers yet, but I'm wrestling with the questions and hoping to find the next awesome thing. Whatever that turns out to be.

One of Those Days

I try not to be a complainer -- I prefer to look at the sunny side of life -- but today was just "one of those days"...

I drove to Houston for a business lunch and a demo of one of our products. I arrived safely and early -- a good start! I took my sports car to lunch so our customer could have a ride; we'd previously talked about our shared love for cars and manual transmissions. I let him drive to the place the three of us (including my Houston co-worker) usually go: a place that serves crawfish by the pound. The three of us polished off our 10 lb of crawfish, and Mr. Customer broke a landspeed record or two in my car on the way back to the campus for the demo. Again: so far, so good.

The demo did not go as planned. My co-worker had prepared extensively, but something went wrong, and nothing went as we'd planned. Mr. Customer wasn't upset; the two of them have a good friendship since they used to work together. Still, not ideal. Mr. Co-worker promised to get to the bottom of the issue, and we all parted ways. I started the drive back to Austin.

I stopped several times to take photos of wildflowers (I'll post pics or a link later, but there are over 100, and I'm too cross-eyed to sort them out now). It had been raining, so I soaked my shoes and the bottom of my jeans, as well as attracting a cloud of insects every time I left the car. No biggie; I'm the one who wanted the photos -- I can pay the price.

Around the halfway point, I noticed (via my car's computer system) that one of my tires was really low -- 9psi, to be exact (35psi is recommended for my tires). I pulled over and looked, but the offending tire didn't look flat. I reached into the car to grab my tire gauge. As I pulled it out, I heard a small "tink tink tink" noise. It was the business end of the gauge bouncing across the parking lot. It broke as I pulled it out of the car, I guess. Niiiiice.

I called my husband, who quickly determined that there was a Discount Tire in Brenham, the town I was just entering. That's where my tires were purchased, and they offer free tire repair. He called them, and although it was 10 minutes past their closing time, they agreed to stay and fix my tire. Hot dog! By the time my honey called me back, I could see the store front from the road. They were friendly, professional and fast and they stayed late to fix my tire for free. Is there any more I need to say to recommend them?

As I drove through a town a few miles down the road, it was sunset, and it was simply impossible to see anything -- not stop lights, not road signs, nothin'. I was mentally rehearsing my conversation with the imaginary police officer ("but officer, really, I couldn't see the sign!") and peering carefully at everything. As I was on my way out of town, a police car turned around behind me. I wasn't speeding, and I made sure not to speed, but he turned his lights on anyway. These guys hate sports cars, I was thinking.

"Ma'am, are you aware you don't have a front license plate?" he asks me.

For the love of Pete, can't you come up with anything better than that? "Yes sir, but I wasn't aware I had to have a front plate," I said, feeling my roots grow blonder by the second. I all but batted my eyelashes.

"Yes ma'am, Texas is a two-plate state." Heh, that rhymes, Officer. "I see your car is a 2005 model; have you owned it since it was new?"

"Yes sir." And it's never had a plate. It doesn't have a place for one, dude. Whaddya want me to do, superglue it onto my bumper?

"All right, let me prepare your paperwork and I'll get you right back on the road."

5 minutes later:

"Here you are, ma'am. This is a warning, as it says here. You can keep this and show it if you're pulled over again." Really? How long will that fly? Another five years, y'think? "Have a good evening, and drive safely back to Austin."

So while I could dwell on the negatives from today:

• The demo, for which I drove 5+ hours, didn't go well.
• I got a flat.
• I got pulled over in Podunksville, Texas.
• My brand-new shoes are soaked and covered with mud.

I prefer to look at the bright side:

• Mr. Co-worker has already figured out the problem and is ready to demo again.
• My tire was fixed and I didn't have to drive home on the spare.
• I didn't get a ticket.
• I got some great shots of flowers, fences, cows, trees, and the sunset.

When was the last time you had "one of those days"? Do you turn it around at the end of the day or grumble about it?

Life is Fragile

It's not like I didn't know that, but I got quite a reminder today.

After I'd been at work for an hour or two, my hubby called me. He'd been talking to some of my former co-workers (we're all still friends) and found out that the wife of one of my old managers passed away last night. She was young and it was very unexpected, and it leaves my former manager as the single father of their daughter.

I went by this afternoon to visit with everyone, and a couple of the guys had gone to see him over lunch. He's not going to be himself for a long time, I think. I wish there were something tangible I could do to lessen his suffering, but of course there's not.

On the way back to the lab where I've been working, I ran into an acquaintance whose wife died several years ago. He hadn't heard the news, so I told him and we talked for a bit. He and my old manager have been acquainted for years, but of course this is something he would never have wanted to have in common with anyone.

Never leave anything unsaid, folks. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Don't wait until tomorrow. It might not come.

Gonna Be a Busybusy Week

So... my Taiwanese co-workers are coming to Texas this week. And I have about a thousand things to do before I leave for Houston to meet up with them.

Here are several of the thousand -- complete!

If you were wondering what those beads were for earlier, this is the purpose. Three of my co-workers arriving today are female; two are male. For the men, I made necklaces for wife and daughter for one co-worker and for fiancee for the other. My friend Jo came over to help me today -- thanks, Jo! She is a fabulous jewelry designer, and I was thrilled to have her help.

I will likely be really busy for the rest of the week, trying to show these folks the same kind of great time that they showed me when I was in their part of the world. Have a great week, y'all!

Nope, No Jet Lag in This Family!

As previously mentioned, Son the Younger recently returned from Germany. Upon his return, he proudly announced, "I don't suffer from jet lag! I was meant to be a world traveler!"

Uh-huh.

I believe that night he fell asleep between 7 and 8pm. This is my 15-year-old son, whose summer bedtime is generally in the wee hours. He does take after his mama the night owl. I'm so proud.

The next night he managed to keep his eyelids propped open ALL THE WAY until 9pm, y'all. With three friends spending the night.

Tonight he's managed to stay up pretty late, by which I mean he's still awake, so he's just about recovered. He's now admitted his jet lag, although he says it doesn't bother him.

I have no such illusions about my upcoming trip to Taiwan; I fully realize there will be killer jet lag on both ends, although I hope the Ambien cushions the blow a bit.

If anyone has any tips on traveling a long way, going to Asia, anything of that nature, I'm alllllll ears.

My First Day with the Big Kids

Today was my first day with my new company. After a slow start (my start date was delayed by two weeks due to some legal stuff, since I'm the only U.S. employee), I got to start up today with a bang by taking customers to lunch. Whee!

Here I am just before I left for lunch. I made Son the Older take my picture. He insisted I use the diagonal one for the blog.

Lunch went well; I took three engineers from my former company to lunch, one of whom I've known for a number of years. I have a long way to go technically, but these guys will be great in helping me get there.

I get to spend three weeks here, then I will go to company headquarters in Asia in early July. How fun is that?

As Part of Your Price Is Right Showcase Showdown

I start my new job on June 2 -- a little more than a week from now -- and part of my job duties include being able to take clients to lunch.

Anyone who knows me well knows that my beloved car is a two-seater. A great car, but not if you're taking more than one other person with you anywhere.

So hubby (who has a similar job) and I are investing in a new vehicle in celebration of my newfound employment. We haven't picked it up yet, but here's the promo picture of it. It's even the right color!

For you diehard Price Is Right fans, I'll go ahead and say it: it's A NEW CAR!

This will be my first time to enjoy the wonder of satellite radio, and since I will be supporting a client in another city in the great state of Texas, I'll get plenty of opportunities to use it! It also has an auxilliary plug for my darling iPod, so I can have all sorts of wonderful music (if you haven't checked out Dave Barnes from my last post, you really should).

In other news, I'm taking off this week and next to paint some rooms in my house. I've lived here for 10 years with all off-white walls, and it's time to make some changes. I called up my good friend Heather, who was gracious enough to pick out colors for me, and now I'm painting up a storm. Yes, I will post before and after pics as soon as I have them. Turns out painting is fairly time-consuming when done alone. Who knew?

Well, It's Official!

I do, in fact, have a job offer.

I haven't accepted yet, but the offer is from a Taiwanese tech company who needs an interface to the company who laid me off (one of life's little ironies). My main contact at the customer company -- my former employer -- has been a friend for 15 years and recommended me for the job. Doesn't get much sweeter than that.

There will be a few challenges. I need to ramp up my technical skills in a big way very quickly. I will also support a second company in a different city, so I will do a fair bit of travel in the lovely state of Texas. And of course, the communication challenges that occur when keeping up with people half a world away are always "fun."

I did have an in-person interview with the man who will be my boss. Not only is his first name the same as my hubby's, but I found him to be very honest and definitely someone I can easily work for. Another bonus. It's tough to work with people whose primary language isn't the same as yours, but these folks have all been delightful (I've had two conference calls as well, so I've talked to a number of the employees). At some point I'll grow comfortable with everyone there and not rewrite every word in every email seven times. That will be a happy, happy day. I can't wait to discover their personalities, their senses of humor, all that stuff that makes a job fun!

In the meantime, I've enjoyed working at my church, which has been a personal goal of mine for years. Now that I've actually done it, maybe it's not a long-term career goal. It's been great to work with all those people who I love and respect so much, but with two kids headed to college imminently, it's probably time to earn an engineering salary for a while.

You Would Think I Would Have Something To Say

After all this time away. But you would be wrong. Or maybe not.

I had a crazy busy week getting ready for Easter, between the church stuff and the art exhibit stuff, and then I pretty much just took last week off. Of everything. I didn't even read blogs last week. That's bad.

I did have a job interview last week, which theoretically, if anyone is still reading, you might be interested in. I had a face to face interview with the company I talked to before. Hmmm, I thought I had said more about this, but apparently not. So here's a little bit of the story:

Tech company, based in Taiwan, wants an interface to American company (really two companies, but mainly one). My friend who works at the main American company recommends me for the job. The Taiwanese company interviews me via phone and discovers that I am not a terrifically technical engineer (no surprise to anyone who knows me or who has read my resume).

Fast forward a few weeks, when I get to meet one of the guys from Taiwan, who is in town on business. That occurs last Wednesday. My first thought, because I'm oh-so-observant, is, "my, you're tall!" Because somehow I wasn't expecting the very lovely Taiwanese gentleman to top six feet. Maybe that's just me. But then, I look up at everyone -- I'm really short.

So we have a nice long visit, which is blessedly devoid of technical content. He is delightfully honest about the interview process, my place in it, and all that, and since he would be my manager, I am quite favorably impressed.

Their decision process is going to take longer than I would like (unless I end up with another offer that forces them to decide faster), but that's not so bad.

And in other news, it would appear I have bred not a Rice Owl, but a Texas Aggie. Whoooooop! Er, um, I mean, I'm very sorry my older son wasn't admitted to Rice. But FOOTBALL!

Does Absence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

Or have you merely forgotten who I am?

In the time since my last post, I have landed a temporary part-time job, another very short-term contract, planned a trip to New York City, and more or less lost my mind.

Not that I had much of one to begin with.

And oh yeah, that bead that I broke? Right after that post, I went back out and made the perfect guitar bead. If I could just find the memory card to my camera, I would show it to you. 'Cause you know I took pictures of it.

*looks on computer*

Nope, I was not smart enough to put it on here already. Darn.

So in the meantime, I'll give you the scoop on everything else.

Starting tomorrow, I will be the admin for the children and family pastor at my church. His previous admin had her mom watching her kiddo, and mom got ill, so her child care went buh-bye. I will fill in until he can find his "real" person. Knowing the hiring practices and how long things take, that may be a while. His wife is in my small group, we've known them since they moved here, our kids used to be best buds until they moved on to other friends in their teenagerhood, etc., etc.... we're good friends with this family. Good times.

I also have a very short-term contract to help another friend learn to use Microsoft Project to help his company plan construction projects. That should take 4-6 hours once I understand how Project isn't working for them, but right now that's the missing puzzle piece.

Lastly, hubby and I decided to go to NYC for a few days. I have a good friend who lives there who has graciously offered to let us stay, and she and her hubby will probably move back to Texas this year, so time is a-tickin' on this offer. We also have a few other friends in the city we'd like to catch up with, plus a few more within reach who may come in to say hello while we're there, so it will probably be a busybusy weekend. I hope to catch one or two Broadway shows, and one of our friends is a museum nut, so Tuesday will be museum day. Aside from that, we'll just fit in visits where we can. Pics and commentary forthcoming as we go, I hope! We leave on Friday. I only have about 300,000 things to do between now and then. Being the neurotic listmatker that I am, I have two lists: things to do and things to pack.

Oh, and one other fun little tidbit as of tonight: I'm in a creative arts small group, and we will be doing an art exhibit for Easter. It will be Easter themed but not, so that it can stay up past Easter. The exhibit will be named "New Again," and apparently I get my own space for an installation of beads (or whatever I decide to do in glass). They gave me a wall that gets a lot of sunlight to better show off the glass -- very exciting! Now I just need to make things that exemplify Jesus' resurrection, new life, all that sort of thing. No pressure, right?

Now, if I can just find that memory card from the camera...

A Week of Mixed Blessings

I have to say that my baby niece, Princess Katherine, is the most beautiful newborn baby girl I've ever seen. I've never had a daughter -- or a baby niece -- and I didn't see my great-niece when she was brand-new, so I think I'm pretty safe in making that statement.

I have taken many pictures, but I did not bring my card reader with me to Dallas, so posting pics will have to wait a few more days, alas.

Hanging out with this tiny girl, with my sister and brother-in-law, and with my nephew David has been a joy. The joy has been tempered by all my sister's medical drama (and there's more; updates in a sec), but it's been great to visit and help them a tiny bit with settling in, playing with David, holding Katherine, all of that. I've gotten to see my dad a couple of times too, which is always a treat. It's a shame I missed Meme (bro-in-law's mom), who is delightful), but when Sis moved to this house they lost the "guest wing," as we affectionately called it, and now guests come one at a time.

I will also get to visit with a couple of local friends this evening, which will be fun -- haven't seen them in months -- and my sister's family can probably do with an evening to themselves after all their company.

So, back to Sister's medical fun. In addition to my her PRES, about a week ago she developed a large pain in the rumpus area (I know you want it to be me, and sometimes it is, but it's literal too). The doc thinks it's her tailbone, so she's off to talk to the neurologist about that today. The MRI she had on her brain for the PRES didn't cover her spine, so we'll see what the neurologist has to say about that. With any luck it will be "just" a bruised tailbone, which is annoying and painful but temporary. My poor Sissie has had enough to deal with, methinks. We're all so grateful that Katherine, at 5 weeks premature, is healthy -- it would be great if we could get Sister there as well!

In job news, I got a text this morning from my friend at the Large Corporation, saying she has found the right people to give my resume to. Yay! So we'll see what happens there.

More Updates on Life, The Universe, and Everything

Here's the scoop on the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can decide for yourself which is which.

My sister's condition has a name -- it's Posterior Reversible Encephalopathy Syndrome, or PRES. Apparently the combination of a slightly premature birth, the not-quite-right epidural (resulting in spinal headache) and postpartum pre-eclampsia (that's high blood pressure to you and me) made her brain swell, giving her a monster headache. After googling PRES, I think she got off lucky -- no blurred vision, no seizures, and hopefully no permanent brain damage. Not that that will keep me from a little sisterly mocking from time to time, since I'm so glad to have her around.

She was discharged from the hospital today around noon, just in time for an appointment with a neurologist who is familiar with PRES. He told her that her headache likely has multiple causes, that they will monitor it over the next few weeks, and that she will recover. I cannot say what a relief all of that is. Plus, she gets to go home and settle in with her baby and husband and son, which is a huge relief to her too. Her mother-in-law has been an enormous help with David; they don't know what they would have done without "Meme." Three cheers for Meme!

~~~~~

I got a call back from HR Chick at Large Corporation today. She informed me that I'm not terrifically technical. You don't say! I'd love to know why employers keep telling me the first thing that I tell them -- or the first thing they should be able to read for themselves from my resume. Yes, I have an engineering degree, but I have done project management and data analysis for most of my career. Nowhere on my resume do I state that I have written code or anything similarly technical; I'll be the first to say that I'm a pseudo-geek, not the real deal. I thanked her for getting back to me quickly and reiterated that I'd be very interested in hearing about any project management or data analysis positions they have open.

And then I hung up the phone and I cried.

I know that it's business, not personal. I know that my identity doesn't come from a company; it comes from my Maker; He tells me who I am. I gotta tell you though, after a while, you just start to think that you're plain unlikeable. And that's the wall I hit today. Two weeks ago, I had interviews coming up with between two and four employers and had visions of multiple offers dancing in my head; today I'm still unemployed with no prospects in sight.

I'm reading another Donald Miller book, Blue Like Jazz. As I was getting ready to take Son the Younger to the doctor for a virus today, this passage leaped off the page at me and made me lose it again: "If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love."

Coincidence? I don't believe in it.

Updates on Life, the Universe and Everything

Since I've had so many questions from my RL friends about either my sister, my job interview, or both, I thought perhaps I should update here as well.

Sister is still in the hospital. Baby Katherine was discharged today. Her Mimi (Sister's M-I-L) is there to help take care of her and big brother David, which is great. Sister is still in a great deal of pain, although they're trying to wean her from the really heavy stuff in preparation for sending her home. They have to have her blood pressure stable for 24 hours before she can be discharged, so the hope is tomorrow, but we'll have to wait and see. When I talked to her this afternoon, her last reading had been "a little high," whatever that means. She did have Katherine, hubby and Mimi there, so hopefully that was helping. My small group and church are praying, which is appreciated.

My interview with Large went reasonably well today. I "flunked" the technical portion, or at least parts of it. I went in telling them that I hadn't done a lot of technical work, and I'm sure they were trying to find out where my limits were. It, um, didn't take them very long.

They ask me to do a theoretical plot (something I haven't seen or thought about in a good 10 years). Only two ways this plot could go. After an hour of technical questions, I'm too brain-dead to think, so I just guess... wrong. "Take us through your thought process," they say. "Why did you graph it that way?" At that point I know it's wrong; no one says that if it's right. I stare fixedly at the white board and pray for instant death. God elects not to grant my wish. Drat. I fix the graph. They ask me which area of the graph is "pass" and which is "fail." Again, without thinking, I just pick... wrong again. D'oh!

Worse yet, I came home and presented the same questions to Son the Older, who proceeded to... that's right, draw the graph right and guess correctly which area was pass. "Excuse me, Large Corporation? You'll be needing to hire my teenage son, not me..."

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyeah.

The non-technical portion was much more favorable (at least I think so). I just chatted with these nice men. They asked questions; I answered them. Talking I can do. Shocking, I know.

I would like to know why, when I knew I was going into this interview, I didn't prepare for some technical content, but siiiiiiiiiiiigh. Now they know they're talking to the least technical engineer ever. I can do that stuff; it would just take me longer to get up to speed.

Now I wait for them to tell me whether I'm suitable for one of their many openings. Whee!

When It Rains, It Pours

It actually is quite cold and rainy here today, although it's not pouring.

Not that the title was intended to refer to actual rain, you understand.

I'd love to know why it is that you loook for a job faithfully for three months, without a peep from anyone, and then one week, everything just clicks into place and everyone loves you. It's feast or famine in Job Search Land, my friends.

I just got home from an interview with a very small company. I'm awaiting a call from a large company to schedule an interview, and I got an email today to schedule a phone interview with a medium-sized company. Small is wonderfully located but would require a great deal of travel. Medium has a nightmare location, just south of downtown. Large is much farther south (even worse) but is just off of the new toll road, which runs right by my house, which would make the commute faster, although a great deal more expensive. Medium and Large would probably not require travel, or minimal travel.

And I never heard back about another job I applied for... but I pinged them today too.

So I guess now we wait.

Wow... Job(s)?

Funny how things happen.

A week or two ago, a close friend (Shell) emailed me. She had a friend here whose boss wants to hire someone "just like her," so she thought of Shell. Shell unfortunately lives in NYC and is geographically undesirable for an Austin job right now, so she thought of me. (Have I mentioned how I love my friends?) So she sent an email to both of us to introduce us.

The friend of Shell's, also named Michelle (notice I'm calling them different things so you can keep them straight), emailed me and then called me to talk about the job. She's the only female in the office, so I suggested we meet before she gave me her recommendation. I've been there: you're the only female in the place, and you know hiring another chick is totally going to change the vibe. If I were in her spot, I'd want to meet me first.

We met for coffee and talked about the job and life in general. She's as cool as a friend of Shell's should be, and the job sounds great (or as great as a job with 50% travel can sound). My resume doesn't quite cover all the things it should for that job though, so I go back to the drawing board and get her a new one. Her boss likes it, and I'm now waiting for a call from him.

Fast forward to today. My phone rings, and it's a number I don't recognize. Assuming it's the call I've been waiting for, I answer. Surprise! It's a hiring manager from an entirely different company where another friend works. (She told me they'd call, but one never knows if or when such a thing might occur.) I talk to her for a half hour or more. She says everyone in her group was impressed by my resume ("Really?" I'm thinking) and wants to bring me in for an interview, which they do panel-style, five on one. Oh, the joy. She also says they need leaders, that they have several positions open that would probably fit me well, and I should think about my strategy and what kind of team I'd like to lead. At this point I'm wondering if she's mis-dialed... then I wonder if this question will be multiple choice or essay. Strategy? Really? My career strategy thus far has been "get laid off and take the next job"... so I guess I'm going to have to come up with something that sounds more professional than that, huh?

Both jobs sound like they have great groups, really tight, which is what I had in my last job and what I miss most. That's what I want from my next job -- it's what makes or breaks a job really. The work can be ho-hum, but if your co-workers are the best ever, it's all worth it.

So, um, yeah. All I can say is, "GOOOOOOOO NETWORK!"


Edited to add: The interview for the Michelle job is now scheduled for Monday. Woo!

Welcome to the Ranks of the Unemployed...

One of my good friends has unfortunately joined me in Laid-Off Land.

She may be an victim of what I think is one of the worst double standard in the business world: men who are assertive are "go-getters" and women are a word I'd like to not write in my blog. My friend H got on the wrong side of a company exec who saw her as an assertive female who was in her way (or at least that's my take). Being the "go-getter" that he is, he took her out of his way before there was an intervening manager hired who could protect her.

I have a few choice words to describe him too, but again, I will choose not to use them here. Suffice it to say that I don't have a great deal of respect for his business methods or his integrity.

They will be hiring five -- FIVE! -- contractors to replace my industrious friend... and the only bad thing Mr. Go-Getter had to say about her was that she sometimes didn't get her projects in on time. Anyone see a discrepancy here? No? Me neither.

Fortunately, H and I both believe that there is Someone in charge, that whatever is awaiting her career-wise is better than the job that left her. I can't wait to see what that is for her, just as I can't wait to see what it is for me.

Last night's reading in Psalms had me thinking about all this, so I will post it here.
From Psalms 86:

11 Teach me your way, O LORD,

and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name.

12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;

I will glorify your name forever.

13 For great is your love toward me;

you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;

a band of ruthless men seeks my life—

men without regard for you.

15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,

slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;

grant your strength to your servant

and save the son of your maidservant.

17 Give me a sign of your goodness,

that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,

for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

Amazing How Things Can Turn Around in 24 Hours

I've mentally written a dozen posts in the last few days -- mostly about how frustrated I am. Let me count the ways!

Austin supposedly has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the nation; yet I've been looking for a job diligently for a month and a half with barely a nibble.

I have a jewelry party (my first) coming up on Saturday with my hubby's two sisters in a Houston suburb. I'm about to hit full panic mode on this one. I feel like I'm on a treadmill, running as fast as I can and getting nowhere at all. I still have so much to do and so little time left in which to do it. I'm sure it will be fine; my perfectionistic tendencies say otherwise.

The weather here can't make up its mind whether it's early fall or (for us) deep winter, which is playing havoc with my sinuses. And making it difficult to work on the torch, which is in the garage, at least on the cold days. Today is a "bundle up!" day.

But yesterday, my hubby found me a new job listing that fits me amazingly well in a place I've always wanted to work. I don't want to say a lot more about it now, but I talked to the hiring manager, and I'm hoping for it. In a lot of ways, it's not possible for anyone else with my history and experience to apply, not that that's any guarantee of getting the job, but I have to cling to something.

Funny how one little thing can turn your perspective around, isn't it?

My Own Personal Desert

This is at least partly in response to BigMama's post here:
http://bigmama1.com/2007/10/15/wandering-towards-my-own-canaan/
But make no mistake... this topic has come across my path so many times in the last few days that I know God wants me to blog about it. It's a bit of a story, so if you don't have time for it now, come back later. Otherwise, grab a snack and settle in. =)

As I've said earlier, this is my second layoff. My first was in February of 2002. Robert, my sweet hubby, had been laid off in July of 2001 -- right before 9/11 kicked the economy in the teeth -- so my layoff was enough to hit the big red financial panic button. My company did the usual charming thing where they suddenly gave me a nasty review (during which I made a couple of ungracious comments aimed at my lunk of a boss's boss, who I held responsible). When my boss -- a really nice Christian man -- had to do the dirty work and actually lay me off, I think he was more upset than I was.

Thus began a four-year odyssey of job hunting for the two of us -- and thank God we didn't have to spend forty years in our desert! We both worked contract jobs, temp stuff, anything we could find. I waited tables for a while toward the end. Robert dug ditches as part of his duties for a general contractor at our church.

But you want to know how faithful God is? We still have our house. We never had to sell a car (or anything else for that matter). We were never even late on a mortgage payment. There were several times we were nervous, but something always came through on the last possible day for us -- a temp job, a contract, some sort of manna from the sky. God also proved to us during this time that he is, as my pastor has said several times, the God of 11:59. He tested us over and over: how far do you trust Me? Will you wait to make sure I will provide for you? We did, and He did. Every time. It wasn't in our time, and it wasn't always what we had in mind, but we had a roof over our heads and food to eat. I had to remind myself of Matthew 6:28-34 a LOT:

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

There are several nifty little money stories during that time that I remember well. One Sunday we were away all day doing church stuff and came home to find $200 in cash in a manila envelope duct taped to our garage door. One Wednesday night, someone put an envelope in the offering with my name on it. A very puzzled usher handed it to me. There was $160 in cash in it. Christmas one year was looking pretty grim, and we'd told our two boys that they shouldn't expect much (they were old enough to understand). On December 23, we went to dinner with friends, one of whom was on staff at our church. They handed us $300 in cash that someone had given someone to give to our staff friend so that not even she knew where it came from. The point of all those, of course, is that the money literally was intended to have come from God.

Now that I've been laid off again, part of me is wondering why I've found myself back here again. Was there some lesson I failed to learn last time? Or is this one of those situations where some amazing thing will occur -- like I'll find another amazing job within a month or two and we'll get to keep the rest of the severance -- and God will be glorified? I don't know; I don't have those answers. God doesn't allow us to see around the next bend in the road, much as we'd like that. All I can see is the next step or two that I need to take, and I'll follow God that far and wait for Him to show me the next step or two past that.

I guess maybe that's what this season is for. Ya think?

The last time we were in this spot, we were looking every month at, "Do we need to put the house on the market?" And my honest take on it was that it's God's house -- He's just letting us live in it. See, I got through my BSEE (whining and crying and begging Robert to let me change my major weekly) by motivating myself by looking at houses. After looking for four years, I knew exactly what my dream house looked like. When I walked into it during my last couple of weeks of school, I knew within five minutes that this was "my" house. During those four years in the desert, I held this house with an open hand, saying, "God, this is Your house. If you want it back, say the word." He never did.

This time around, Robert has pointed out that the first thing to go will be my beloved dream car (on which we are still making payments): a 2005 350Z convertible. Y'all, I love that car. The way I ended up with it is another post, but the short version is that we went to buy a second Maxima -- it was time to give mine to my son to drive -- and we ended up with the Z. One day I was driving to visit my sister in Dallas and saw a Maxima on I-35, and I thought, "those are such pretty cars!" And about as clearly as I've ever heard God speak, He said to me, "Yes, but I wanted better for you." It made me cry then, and it makes me cry now -- and I'm not a crier.

But you know what? If God wants my Z back, he can have it. It's His. He blessed me with it in the first place, and He knows how much I've loved it and been thankful for it. He's my Father; He adores me and has my very best interests in mind. I'll leave that choice up to Him.

Life is too short, and God is too precious, to consider looking at it any other way.

Whew... I think the resume is finally done!

Seriously, is there anything in the world worse than working on your resume?

Well, ok, sure there is. But go along with me here for effect.

I started my resume on Monday, sent it to three friends for review, got it back on Tuesday properly shredded, and began again. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent in agonizing rewrite. Now there are a couple of rough patches, but I think it's almost done. I sent it back out to two of the same people and one new person, and I hope I can officially send it out to my network (I <3 LinkedIn) and out for job listings soon.

In the meantime, if you know of any fantastic jobs with great co-workers, fantastic management, and decent pay and hours, give me a shout.

Surprise! Unemployed!

Surely I must have had some clue I was going to be laid off, right?

You would think. I certainly did the first time. This time? Not so much.

I went in on Tuesday, October 2nd, just like any other day. Got in around 9am. My manager Joey, who's a great, easy-going guy, came in my cube and asked if I had a minute. I said, "Sure," and followed him out of my cube. He walked out in the hall and said that Greg, his boss, wanted to talk to me about a project I was working on. By this time I was noticing that Joey seemed nervous and wasn't looking me in the eye. We walked to the elevator and I asked where Greg was. Joey replied, still not looking at me, that he was in a meeting room downstairs. At this point I know something was very wrong. Greg would never ask to talk about a project without scheduling a meeting; he would come to the lab; etc., etc.

We got off the elevator downstairs, and Joey led me to a room that had a sign on it saying "Reserved 8am - 5pm" -- another very bad sign. When Joey knocked on the door, Greg opened it, and I could see that our HR rep was in the room with him. Worst fears confirmed.

So. I know where I stood in my group as far as ranking went, and it wasn't at the bottom. Everyone I've talked to since this point in the company (both inside and outside my department) has expressed shock at my layoff. Why was I picked? I have no idea.

I do have faith that when God closes a door, He opens a window, so now I'm looking around for windows. I was laid off once before (which is a story for another post or series of posts), and this has been a much more positive experience so far. I truly had the best co-workers anywhere, and I will really miss them, but I think I'll be able to keep in touch with them. And who knows what may be in store for me next?

My plan? I will work on my resume tomorrow. I will send it to a couple of carefully selected friends to shred... I mean edit. And then I will see if I can, as they say, land on my feet.

No one ever said this faith stuff was easy.